So I officially passed my first class. This is a pretty major milestone for me, given that I wasn't sure about that particular class. It was like a trick: a HA! What you've been studying the whole time is not what you need to know to do well on the final! checkmate.
Yesterday while I was studying for the statistics exam, I learned something new. I don't mean I learned something new about statistics--there was a lot of that, which is a bit disconcerting considering I had a final on the material this morning. I learned a new term,
"knight to C4."
It was what L said when H and I were on the verge of solving something. Where we were just one move away from taking over the place. I have had a lot of knight to C4 experiences, it seems. There is what you learn. Then there's what you're tested on. Then there is what you need to know. And there is wide gap between the three. It is a continual process to narrow the gap, where appropriate, and accept the span as a characteristic of the system, where appropriate.
The intensity level has ratcheted down some serious notches. Now, it seems that one still does need to study, and there is still lingering anxiety associated with wanting to do well. But there is no fear. We are here. And here we will stay until it's done. We are paying for this discomfort: this education. So what of failure, then? What of it. There is learning and eventually a chance for redemption in a failing grade, too. I think I finally get what they say about grades don't matter. To the extent that they tell you how much you need to prove to pass the challenge and show you how much there is to know, they do. To the extent that they prove what you've learned, they don't.
I am finally beginning to cash out and take to the bank some of the promises that were made that I would meet amazing people and have amazing experiences. The picture doesn't look like what I thought it would look like, but it's there all the same.
In the rest of the world, life goes on. It was a beautiful day today. L is sick, and went to bed before 8pm, and other people around me are coming down with similar ailments. One of the Unions at Stanford went on strike this morning. California is planning on killing Tookie at San Quentin tonight. My parents have conceived a brilliant entrepreneurial idea--my mom called to tell me about it. One of my friends got a job offer he was waiting for. Someone I know asked his girl to marry him.
Have been very reflective overall today, and pretty unreasonably mellow, considering that I am officially in the thick of finals week. On the last bit of happy news from above, though, I read a piece of writing tonight that I had forgotten about. It's called
The Prophet "on Marriage"by Khalil Gibran
